Carta a una enfermedad terminal

como-escribir-una-carta

<<Te odio.

Nublaste mi futuro.

Oscureciste mi presente.

Acabaste con mis sueños y esperanzas.

Y yo nunca hice nada malo para merecer esto.

Nunca te invité a mi casa.

Nunca quedamos para salir, y aún así me encontraste, diste conmigo.

Y ahora, estás aquí. Eres la triste protagonista de mi vida.

Arañas lentamente mi alma y alejas cualquier esbozo de sonrisa en mi rostro.  

Y después de ti sé que no habrá nada.

Durante un tiempo seré un doloroso recuerdo, una emotiva lágrima en la intimidad, y luego pasaré como todos al cajón del olvido, porque la vida sigue, la vida continúa.

¿Dónde quedaran mis sueños? ¿dónde enterraran mis esperanzas? ¿donde naufragarán aquellos días jamás vividos?

Hoy solo quiero que esto termine. Que mi sufrimiento se acabe. Sin rencor, sin remordimientos.

Ya no quiero seguir luchando. Yo reconozco las limitaciones de la ciencia, y ésta debe reconocer mi derecho a decir “no” a más prolongaciones innecesarias.

Porque yo no quiero sondas, no quiero oxígeno, no quiero camas articuladas ni televisión las veinticuatro horas del día.

No quiero ver pasar la vida como un mero espectador sin poder ser partícipe de ella.

Y por supuesto no quiero morir entre las cuatro frías paredes de un hospital.

Necesito que mi último aliento sea rodeado de los míos, de mi familia, de mis amigos, acariciando a mi fiel perro. Entre mis sábanas. Bajo mi techo. En mi cama.

Ya no quiero seguir sufriendo. Ya no quiero seguir viviendo.

Respeto y admiro a los que si lo hacen. A los que son capaces de vivir hasta el último día con esto, pero el actor principal de esta película soy yo, y yo debo ser el que decida un “hasta cuando”.

Sin arrebatos, sin caprichos, sin trastornos del estado anímico. Consciente de mi proceso, consciente de mi calvario.

¡Te odio!, me arrebatas la vida, pero yo seré el que decida “hasta cuando”, ¡yo seré quien decida el maldito “hasta cuando”!.  >>

Esta carta pudo haber sido escrita por alguno de los pacientes que asistimos a diario en urgencias y tal vez haya sido realmente escrita.

Debemos avanzar. Debemos aprender. Debemos respetar la voluntad individual, y que esta prevalezca sobre morales intereses colectivos.

Me toca otra noche de guardia, me toca otra noche de insomnio Con Tinta de Médico.

 

J.M Salas

Con Tinta de Médico – Diario de un médico de urgencias adicto a la noche

 

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