¡Qué médico más malo!

poli malo

A veces cuando llevo la placa de médico, como en las películas de Hollywood donde en los interrogatorios existe la figura del poli bueno y poli malo, a mi también me toca representar el papel de malo.

En ocasiones mi plató se llena de pacientes policonsultadores, de espíritu hipocondriaco, amantes de las cuatro paredes del consultorio, con un perenne pensamiento que les atormenta y aleja de la realidad, un ¿no me pasará algo? gobierna su día. Hacen de una segunda opinión su obsesión y acuden a urgencias buscando una respuesta que les de la razón para poder justificar la supuesta falta de atención de su médico de familia. Son capaces de cambiar el título de mi película y transformar el Centro de Urgencias en un «abierto 24 horas, no importa la hora ni el motivo, estamos para escucharles».

Recuerdo con nostalgia los guiones de consulta en atención primaria, como mis palabras atravesaban como balas sus argumentos, con negativas que parecían escritas en mi mesa como graffitis en un muro.

– No necesita más pruebas.

– No precisa interconsulta con otro especialista.

– No le puedo recetar más, ya se llevó su tratamiento crónico.

– No le prescribo antibióticos, es un cuadro viral.

– No le vuelvo a hacer recetas de medicamentos si los saca de la farmacia sin prescripción facultativa.

– No le puedo recetar como pensionista si no lo es.

– Y por supuesto, no insista, no le puedo hacer recetas para su perro.

Me doy cuenta que no se puede escapar de nuestros demonios y en urgencias me toca repetir alguna negativa, adaptando mi guion al contexto.

– Esto no es una urgencia.

– ¿Por qué no fue a su médico de familia?

– Si lo tiene desde hace meses, puede pedir cita en su centro de salud.

– No le puedo pinchar nada para quitarle un catarro.

– No puede venir en la madrugada a hacerse una cura porque no tuvo tiempo durante el día.

Pues definitivamente, a veces me toca ser el malo de la película, el que le dice a los pacientes lo que no quieren oír, aquel que crea unfollowers en twitter  y disminuye las listas de espera en consulta. Y lo reivindico porque quien quiera caer bien a todo el mundo mejor que se dedique a la política donde una sonrisa forzada y palabras escritas por un guionista en tercera persona son más valiosas que la verdad.

Sin lugar a dudas no es fácil interpretar este papel, lo sencillo es ceder en todo y despachar satisfecho al usuario, pero a veces me toca sacar mandíbula, teñirme el pelo y ser el Javier Bardem de 007.

Espero no terminar como él en la película, y poder seguir disfrutando de este cine.

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  502. Today, I went to the beach with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said «You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.» She put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is completely off topic but I had to tell someone!

  503. Hmm it looks like your site ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I submitted and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I too am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to the whole thing. Do you have any helpful hints for newbie blog writers? I’d really appreciate it.

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  522. Today, I went to the beachfront with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said «You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.» She placed the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is totally off topic but I had to tell someone!

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  857. Today, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iPad and tested to see if it can survive a forty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!

  858. Hello there! Quick question that’s totally off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My site looks weird when viewing from my iphone. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to resolve this issue. If you have any suggestions, please share. With thanks!

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  880. Hi! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any issues with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing months of hard work due to no back up. Do you have any methods to prevent hackers?

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